"Paper bird"

Hello all,
As awkward as this may turn out to be, I feel it is necessary for me speak honestly here, if only to keep my sanity intact. I had a really hard day yesterday and it has sort of spilled over on to the present day which is why I need to write. I sat in on a medical check up camp yesterday at the CFI headquarters. Every week, a local doctor comes in and does a quick medical examination of the local tribes people who are living with HIV/Aids. The doctor is funded by CFI/CFN and also is able to hand out prescriptions for Anti-retroviral medication. Fortunately these patients don't have to pay any money for what can be very expensive medication. Although I feel really low today, I was really lucky to be able to sit in on such a great meeting. One lady has been living with HIV/Aids for 12 years, thanks to the sponsorship of CFI.
I don't know how to feel better. The hardest part of the entire day was to see the doctor pinch the cheeks of a one year old boy, not in affection but to see how quickly the colour returned to his skin. I saw a mother holding this adorable child in the line up and I prayed that this child wasn't infected ( and I am not the praying type). I sat in my chair and literally repeated over and over in my head " Please let this child be okay, please let this child be okay". When his mother sat down and the doctor leaned forward and put his stethoscope to the child's heart, I couldn't breath. I had to make a conscious effort to keep breathing.
I just find it so universally unfair; so unfair that this child wasn't given a fair chance. It makes me so sad to think that this child was never able to make the right decision, to fight for life. This little boy has an expiry date (sadly enough, this term is used around the office). It's so unnatural to me, for a mother to give birth to life and give birth to death at the same time. I think of my own parents and I think of how they would do anything to guarantee life for me. I think about a mother who wants to do anything for her son but literally has no choice. I guess I stopped functioning when a little girl asked the doctor to " please make my medicine sweet, not salty".
I don't know what I need to hear. I guess it's selfish for me to even feel sad; I'm not the one fighting for my life. It just puts my world in perspective. Makes me feel like a total moron for every abusing my health or crying because my friend lied to me.
Anyway, I think I am going to sleep for the rest of the day because I don't know what else to do. Thankfully I have to rest day off. I am just lucky to have my health and my family. I have really incredible people in my life who support me and I appreciate it more and more each moment I am here. I am a very lucky girl. Adios my dears.