Halfway

So I am sitting here and wondering how I translate my present state of emotion into words. I'm really angry but at the same time, full of understanding. There is a sense of survival here that I will never fully realize....Okay... Whoah, lets see if I can start making some sense.
What I am realizing is that every aspect of my trip here is a money making business. From the organization that I came out here with to my everyday interactions with our cook, everyone is out to make a dollar at my expense. The short version of this story is that I have been overly trusting with our cook and it seems as if she is taking advantage. But my point is; I get it. Life our here is really tough most of the time and yet the people I have met out here would rather die than admit defeat. So things, if let go, can become a little bit of a game. I just have to start playing along.
You may be wondering why I am writing this seeing as it doesn't really resemble any of my other posts but I think it's important. No one can prepare you for the realities of living in a developing country, let alone an incredibly rural area of a developing country. I think I finally get it though. I also understand why some people can really desensitized living and working out here. It's hard to fully trust anyone you meet and I think I learned the lesson the hard way. Yet, I am not bitter or angry. I understand it. India has been amazing and I am sure it will continue to be amazing. I would never trade my experiences here, even the heartbreaking ones, for anything else. The point behind all of this, is to make sure you have the capacity to find the beauty amongst all the deceitful intentions and broken down cars. I feel like it's a crucial part of opening yourself up to travel ( the "we have no running water" sort of travel). I have discovered more about people in the last four hours then I have in my entire life. Still it seems, they aren't that bad....oh which is huge step for me, by the way.
SO --- just to recap....I am actually healthy and happy! I just had a super intense morning and I needed to share with the great unknown ( the internet and the universe, silly). I am getting weirder by the day. I have lost all sense of style and vanity. I can't even remember what a mascara brush looks like and I have...ready for this...a sweet farmers tan. My feet are constantly dirty, my hair constantly frizzy....and (ready for the shocker)....I couldn't be more excited about this. I am really excited about my resemblance to a cave woman! Honestly, I have more chance of picking up male pattern baldness then I do a man. The thing is, out here all that matters is what I think and how my strength is translated into action. I like it. Oh and if I am wearing the right number of anklets. That's also a big deal.

So life is good! take care everyone, adios